H-OLD Me

The
lone
li
ness  

has only one in line 

and that’s me

Will you choose me?

Will you hold me

 till we g-row old 

The energy flows

 and hits the lows 

'cause there is no one 

except

lone me 

who meets myself 

within me

I have abandoned myself million times

Yet you never arrived.

My self is 

not my self 

is the longing

of the union 

Promised eons ago.

In this on going 

I stand 

in -ness

H -old me 

till we g-row 

Fragments of self and desire, where words break under the weight of longing and hope for connection.

Whom would I betray if I change?

 

I would betray old versions of myself

and my survival strategies
that have carried me this far.
I would betray myself
and my past.

Be-tray — the foundation, the load-bearer.
Be-ray — warmly stretching
to every corner of space.

Be the now.

Living between the regret of the past
and the fantasy of the future,
the present becomes quicksand.

Every step forward
is like leaving home,
and the guilt of moving away
from what once held me.

In this tug of war,
the human essence of change,
the metamorphosis,
remains unprocessed.

Denying change,
I remain unintegrated.

My feelings remain submerged,
and like the Titanic,
the love, care, and safety of others
are lost.

The shame of devouring it
never allows me
to reach the shore.

I stop change
by being still,
sitting in denial of change.
Being loyal to the past,
admiring it
long past its time.

Am I ready for the whirlwind
that rests underneath,
destroying itself
and everything it touches?

Or am I ready
to be the waves
others can meet?

Oasis, that isnt !

 

Don's show me care and love that I cannot handle,

it's like an oasis in a desert, 

Mirage of my heart's desires,

An illsion of what is !

P.S. Don't mistaken care for love . 

How Do I Address?

My, is possessive,
Ex is former.

How do I address
Ex-boyfriend?

I can't say the,
you weren't the only one

I can't say an,
you weren't many.

How do I address
Ex-boyfriend?

Omissions are not possible.
Silence embraces the gap

The distance arrives with I.

I dated a man.
Singular,
First person
The doer of the action.

My, was once true 

Ex, says the time

What remains
is I.

Soul Troll

 SOL -I - TARY

Soul in its territory

SOL - I - TUDE

Soul with an attitude

Misery

 

In existence there is I, yet it is ethereal, 

In emptiness there is I, yet veiled by the mist,

Contact has con, act and tact and search for I. 

Amorphous Love

I had a concept of love
it failed

I had a picture of you
it failed

I had you
I FAILED.