H-OLD Me

The
lone
li
ness  

has only one in line 

and that’s me

Will you choose me?

Will you hold me

 till we g-row old 

The energy flows

 and hits the lows 

'cause there is no one 

except

lone me 

who meets myself 

within me

I have abandoned myself million times

Yet you never arrived.

My self is 

not my self 

is the longing

of the union 

Promised eons ago.

In this on going 

I stand 

in -ness

H -old me 

till we g-row 

Fragments of self and desire, where words break under the weight of longing and hope for connection.

Whom would I betray if I change?

 

I would betray old versions of myself

and my survival strategies
that have carried me this far.
I would betray myself
and my past.

Be-tray — the foundation, the load-bearer.
Be-ray — warmly stretching
to every corner of space.

Be the now.

Living between the regret of the past
and the fantasy of the future,
the present becomes quicksand.

Every step forward
is like leaving home,
and the guilt of moving away
from what once held me.

In this tug of war,
the human essence of change,
the metamorphosis,
remains unprocessed.

Denying change,
I remain unintegrated.

My feelings remain submerged,
and like the Titanic,
the love, care, and safety of others
are lost.

The shame of devouring it
never allows me
to reach the shore.

I stop change
by being still,
sitting in denial of change.
Being loyal to the past,
admiring it
long past its time.

Am I ready for the whirlwind
that rests underneath,
destroying itself
and everything it touches?

Or am I ready
to be the waves
others can meet?

Oasis, that isnt !

 

Don's show me care and love that I cannot handle,

it's like an oasis in a desert, 

Mirage of my heart's desires,

An illsion of what is !

P.S. Don't mistaken care for love . 

How Do I Address?

My, is possessive,
Ex is former.

How do I address
Ex-boyfriend?

I can't say the,
you weren't the only one

I can't say an,
you weren't many.

How do I address
Ex-boyfriend?

Omissions are not possible.
Silence embraces the gap

The distance arrives with I.

I dated a man.
Singular,
First person
The doer of the action.

My, was once true 

Ex, says the time

What remains
is I.

Soul Troll

 SOL -I - TARY

Soul in its territory

SOL - I - TUDE

Soul with an attitude

Misery

 

In existence there is I, yet it is ethereal, 

In emptiness there is I, yet veiled by the mist,

Contact has con, act and tact and search for I. 

Amorphous Love

I had a concept of love
it failed

I had a picture of you
it failed

I had you
I FAILED.

Gossamer's Dream

Blanketed in epidermis of natural gift
Lie, the stark hollow me

Deeper, I profound the search
Silence, greets me.

Barren, without contents
Stood a glass door
Rear to it was the different me.

Seraphic, pristine shine
I could see
My shadow, it seemed

The child’s itch I feel
To unite with it

The camouflage of sensitivity
Awakens me

The reverie of it
I carry with me,

Atrophic Rose

No feelings hidden from you
Yet, you chose not to respond

No tears shown to you
Yet, you chose to respond

Deep within chaos
You rose, a bud
When it wishes to be yours
You allow, withering

The petals that enclaves each other
Brought the perfect symmetry
To it, to be, to yours
You allowed it to hither
Amid the wanderers, further and farther
Aside the meandering wind’s cart

Now,
It lays all scattered amidst the concrete path
Treaded, ruptured, bereft of life
Befallen before you bit by bit,
Fragrant to the cosmos, not you

Resurrect Life

There was a moment of silence……..before the door closed

There was a moment of darkness….. before the sun rose
There was a moment of peace……after you left the home
The emptiness fills it…. vacuum created…..space expanded and collapsed I

The bean bag materializes support
It structure, outlines me
In this womb I remain….. to resurrect life

Let's Dance

If I could write a song to you
Of the differences that complete us
The song that has melodies of us
Words woven of love

If I could sing the song to you
Of how differences complete us
The moment, we not together
Our absence, leaps the heart beat

If I could rhyme that song for you
Where the lyrics, was the stage set
The union of the soul and clashes of the mind, met
The flickering light of us…kindled there.

If I could attuned that song to you
Where every symphony matched
The chord conscientious, present there

If I could ensemble the harmony
Of our orchestra differences to complete us
The genre of our dynamics
To the opera of our whole-step

Our dance would begin then.

Have you been a stranger to yourself where every moment you are changing?

The realization of it is so deadly. There is joy and sorrow in it. Confidence and failure in it.Darkness and light it in and you just an observer below the gliding horizon of your life.Where the color of your sky matches your heart where color of your skin shines in light.Your heart pours out love to strangers and closes the doors to known faces as they stand there forever, hurling, hurting, screaming and yelling at you for the life you wasted trying to seek the inner you, the darker you, the innocent you and the strange you.

Among all this chaos who stands by you… your enemies or your friends your families or your staff…..

None gets to know this as their skies also changes and merges with you…… sometimes with a thump, sometimes with a storm and sometimes it sails with you as one sky… a roof underneath your  chest… a sky above your head.. and wings in place of your feet... and life just grins with a sigh ah! That destiny was just too bright! Would you ever be mine…… would our skies ever fall apart…….. would you still be my roof ………or will I meet my own horizon from where dusk meets the dawn and night the day…..

A lonesome soul with no fear with no trigger just a lump throat and sacred heart of Jesus love……..

Dawn and Darkness meet

When the sun sets on the horizon

You and I meet

When the dawn surpasses the thrust

You go through life as if it’s meant for defeat. You steal hearts as that’s your profession for life.

Your purpose is to be detached from all this and mock at life or fellow beings whose life is this. You shed tears as if the world has come to an end with no one beside you. You laugh with no fear and daring the courage to ride on with you. I love you as you are. Strange and vulnerable, strong and defiant, distant and caring, loving and ripping…… showing the duality of life.

Rip me apart
For once, from myself
Let me, sink in you
And see……..
What I am without you......

The Stadium

The roar of joy,
communicates to all......
The silence of sadness,
Leaves the core untouched.

Completion 

I changed the way I look
But couldn’t change you

I change my thoughts
But couldn’t replace you

I changed God damn everything
But couldn’t change my feelings for you

Come back to the era, we met
Where we were strangers, tied with strangeness
Unexplored, deployed by the society.
Angered rage, filled us
We separated, by our own will
Not conscious, destiny brought us together

Now we meet again
To depart with love and trust
Acceptance of each other and our past

Goodbyes are never simple
Yet we transformed beyond that limitation
As today I am touched by love
Beyond sensual and emotional trail…

It’s pure… I know
As I see you complete and whole
No limitations, no boundaries
Just you and me
Standing at the same edge
Where good bye is no more
A tragic life

It’s our completion of many lives
That stranded us incomplete
Life after lifes……
And today we are complete
Just by the presence of each other in our hearts

 

Being so close to the end
Being so close to the start
The road traveled
Was a distant less than a step apart

Tears cried to descend
Heart opens and shut for a while
Its peeps outside, takes a leap
And ascends inside

Ah! The tremors fell
Dispels the body’s light
Fragmented, it still connects

Rage turns to heat
Fear, a storm
Sadness collapse
And rest never ceased to live

The journey continues
New members come to meet
Sorrow to despair
Shame to guilt
Hurt to pain
And ache to insane

All travelers in me
None wish to reside
None wish to leave
They treat with respect
The lost soul in it

A  stagnated weakness for life.

 

Sorrow has a row,
Happy has an appy
One endowed orchard
Other carbonated

Hail to Fear!

I was suppose to commit suicide
For once more the fear stopped me in!

Transparent

The peace in me is restored
The piece in me is destroyed
Nothingness bore
Therefore
I Am no more ignorant

Who Am I To BE?

Torn between ‘me’
The better be and the best me

The stranger in ‘me’
The worst me and the real me

Who is me?
What I see or what you see?

Who is to be?
My being or yours seeing

Who am I to be?